holosophy

I typed those words (the previous page) well over 3 years ago, and have had many conversations since then, very few of them recorded. The words above are my, rather inadequate, translation of the impressions that came to me at that time, often faster than I could type, and often with multiple layers coming through simultaneously. Now I wish to set the record straight (or straighter) in a new dialogue, starting with the same issue. Partly this is because the above, I know for certain, is ambiguous, and open to misinterpretation (I have been, and probably still am, doing that myself), though an equally important reason is to show how these ideas and concepts evolve, and how it is possible for anyone to start out slow and ponderous, and to gradually progress, and improve. It could perhaps be likened to tuning in a radio, and it is important to remember that the signal is always present, and we can all turn on and tune in whenever we wish.

Certain extenuating circumstances led me to question anew this concept of caring, and the (unrecorded) dialogue that resulted showed me how little I had actually taken from that previous one. The following is based on the second dialogue as I remember it, and hopefully will take off in its own right, and explore the issue more fully.

It will.

What´s happening to me?
You still care too much.
But I have gone out on a limb, “felt the fear and done it anyway”, and fallen flat on my face.
I know it feels like that to you, that’s what you required, and you got it. However it’s important that you now take the positive from it, and don’t get lost in a sea of self-pity. That would negate the majority of the potential gain. This experience has clarified many issues for you, and has given you access to another platform from which you may take off in any direction you choose.
So how come it feels like I’ve backed myself into a corner with no escape?
That is precisely what you designed to ensure that you have to look in totally different directions (dimensions even!) and embrace other fears, in order to find your “way out”. You can no longer simply look left and right, or up and down with your old style logical thinking - you must look beyond, see through. All your previous, conventional ideas of working and earning a living have failed to fulfil you, that is, they have not satisfied you emotionally. Your latest venture has been a bridge to the next phase - an extremely important one.
Great, I now have to embark on my next phase feeling like a total failure from this one.
No, you do not have to do anything, and it is important that you do not embark on it feeling like a failure. It is because you care so much about success, and are so frightened of failing, that you attract failure. This also highlights another aspect of the issue of caring, i.e. that it is usually motivated by fear. People care because they are frightened of what might happen, either to others (death, illness, starvation etc.) or themselves (damnation, guilt etc.) or the combination of both. You did not so much “feel the fear and do it anyway”, as throw down a challenge that you knew was unlikely to be met, because you feared what would happen if you didn’t.
Aren’t they one and the same? If I had known for sure that it would have been met then there would not have been fear, I would not have been stretching myself. I thought this was a progression, taking me out of the rut.
So it is! And so it has! It took great courage to do what you did, and it has delivered you to this point, this momentous point, be happy! There is however a subtle but important difference between the two, the first is an inspiration to follow your heart, and be the grandest version of the greatest vision you ever held about yourself, the second is more about testing yourself against worldly circumstances, taking risks, gambling - something you do regularly! It is only the scale which increases. Now you have another, better than ever, insight into them both. Don’t blow it! If one follows one’s heart genuinely, and with grace, openness and awareness, there is no failure, no regret. To have regrets means there were expectations, that you cared about the outcome. Knowing what you wish to remember, it’s hardly surprising that you did not grant yourself success in that sense, it would not have led you to this point, this momentous point, at which you may now choose to follow your heart. You could have achieved conventional success, and made no headway in following your heart, whereas, once you follow your heart you can be assured that you are successful.
But I do wish to be successful
You are successful, so how can you wish to be successful - that could only happen if you were not successful.
Precisely, I am not successful, and I do wish to be.
Then Be.
How
Assume success and you are that. Wear it, own it, act it at times maybe if things get difficult, just pretend - soon you will find yourself be-coming it. Let go of the notions of success and failure, see things only as degrees of success - always success
But that “pretence” means I am just a sham, a con man.
Ah! So what you’re really frightened of is not being what you say you are, not being “good enough”, and consequently being thought badly of. It’s just a question of ego - you’re not happy unless you’re the best, and everybody has to know it and agree.
Partly true, but I am willing, keen even, to learn - it’s just that I can’t promote myself as something when I’m still learning to be it.
Don’t you think that everybody goes on learning all the time? If everybody waited till they knew everything before they offered their services to society, nobody would be doing anything. There would be no doctors, teachers, artists, etc. It is only by practising and practicing that one learns, and finally, when it becomes “second nature”, you are no longer “doing it”, you are it, you have be-come. That level of being will not be achieved just sitting in a chair and reading a book, whilst the book can provide a wealth of information, it will not provide the experience.
But what about all the mistakes one makes along the way?
What about them?
I could let people down, even harm them emotionally, giving them false hope. Many people seem to me to be lost and confused, how can I offer to show anyone the way when I’m still so lost and confused myself?
If you are but one small step further along a path than they are, if you are prepared to be an example to them, if you are able to say “if I can do it, anyone can do it”, if you are simply there for them, with open arms and heart, then you are doing them a great service, and in that you are doing your-self an enormous one.
But it’s an enormous responsibility!
Not nearly as large as not doing anything, and sitting back and “watching Rome burn”
Oh! I never thought of it like that.
Most people don’t. They think that if they sit on the sidelines or bury their heads in the sand then at least they won’t be to blame when it all goes “pear shaped” - I say to you now that those who do nothing are most to blame.
But people will say “who does he think he is to be spouting off like that”
And you will answer?
I don’t know, perhaps “I am just me being me”
Perhaps, also though be aware that you do not have to respond at all, you could simply be content to know that you are “doing your bit”
Tricky one for me - I always like to have the last word!
Precisely.
I get it. May we go back to “caring”
Certainly.
How do I know when I am caring as a result of loving, as opposed to caring from fear?
When you care from loving you do not care about results or outcomes. If you perceive that you “care” about the outcome, or have any expectations, you do not really care. True caring is totally non-judgemental, it respects others rights to do and be whatever they wish to do and be. It may counsel, but will still be non-judgemental - very important since often the counselling will be rejected. Life is empirical - souls incarnate as humans being solely to experience.
Why, when we care about people do they so often ignore our advice, and we theirs? And why do I take so long to learn from my mistakes?
Advice is often unbidden and selfishly motivated, given with little or no regard to the other person’s real, (often unstated!) situation. It is nearly always given on the basis of “well if I was you”; when in fact the advice giver has little or no idea what it is really like to be that person. Nothing can be learned from the words per se, they can only ever influence what is to be experienced. The fact that the advice has been sought (if it has!) shows that the receiver has already pretty much made up their mind what they want to do, they are usually just asking for permission to do it - but will probably do it anyway because they wish to experience the outcome. Confirming that they will get a certain outcome makes it likely that they will go ahead even if that outcome appears negative to the adviser. Advice can also be seen as a challenge - quite often the receiver wishes to prove the giver wrong. Only occasionally, when the adviser comes up with a previously unconsidered aspect of the dilemma, and one which will potentially render the experience invalid, or substantially different to that which the receiver wishes, will it likely be advice genuinely taken. Most people like to be able to say “I told you so”, but loathe hearing it.
Oh Shit! That’s me. Isn’t it?
“If the cap fits…”
But it doesn’t… or at least it’s a tad uncomfortable…
Then find a new cap. Edward de Bono calls them hats, but it’s the same principle.
Perhaps I’ve been wearing this one too long.
For sure. You have decided.
It is a bit dated. Am I a dinosaur?
Yes, but you are the most improved dinosaur in training.
Hey, that’s almost a compliment!
I don´t do compliments, I just tell it like it is.
I like compliments. Compliments are energising, motivating, inspiring.
That is so, though truth is all those things and more. As long as you don’t need compliments it’s ok. If, however, you need them for reassurance it indicates a lack of self-worth.
Don’t you like compliments?
I do not like or dislike anything, nor do I need anything.
Wow you’re good!
Hey, is that a compliment?
I don’t do compliments. I just tell it like it is.
Touché.
Problem is, I don’t, do I?
No. You see it like it is, yet don’t usually tell it like it is.
Why is that?
Fear.
I’m getting really brassed off with that answer.
I know.
Why?
Because you believe you should have made much greater headway with “fear” than you have.
Have I made any?
Of course, some…
But I still care…
Yes, and only a little of it from love. What the world needs now is love, sweet love - it’s the only thing that there’s just too little of.
No, not just for some, but for everyone!
We should write a song.
You already did-
Oh yes! I almost forgot!
You´re taking the mickey
Excuse me, the content may be mine but the style is ALL yours.
Well, who gave me my style?
I offer infinite styles, this is the one you chose!
Shit! Why?
It´s a defence, a chuck it back, in yer face, smart alec, I’m smarter than you, I’ll have the last word, up yours, defence.
Against what?
Not what?, who? - And the answer is EVERYBODY.
Why.
They persecuted you.
What?
Not what? why? They persecuted you. That is, you believe they did.
And did they?
Of course.
What?????
You would not have been satisfied with anything less. You antagonised them until they reached the required level of vengefulness.
Yet you say only “you believe they did”
Of course. They did what you required of them, no more, no less. Sufficient to make it believable. You would not have been satisfied with less; you would have mocked them for more (you wouldn’t have even bothered to mock them for less - they would not have been deemed worthy)
Well… what can I say?
You could ask why.
Why?
Because prior to all this you had embarked on the ultimate ego trip.
Why?
Just for the hell of it. Because you could. Because it was there. Just because. Just be cause.
But was my cause just?
Of course. You could not “go it alone”. What you did was courageous. Or ignorant, depending on how one views it. Best not to view from any angle at all - simply embrace. Do you recall the story of the little spirit?
Yes, though I’d love to hear it again
Once upon a time, there was a soul who wished to experience the other side of love, the refuting, the rejecting, the hurting, the non-embracing. However, there was no other soul prepared to take that role - until one small soul, upon hearing of this soul’s plight, said “I will take that role, on one condition.” “Thank you, thank you, thank you” said the first soul, “and what is your condition?” “That even as I do so you will remember that I am thus solely at your request”
I nearly forgot, didn’t I?
You have remembered. Concentrate on the positive - always.
I like your style.
I love yours.
Thank you.