Look inside and the tale is there to be told, much as the rings in the tree reflect the harshness of its winters.

But there is also a darker side….

Sure we all love to see the villains get their come-uppance, and why not.  The paedeophiles and rapists. The muggers of old ladies. The con men. The driver who killed the child that stepped out in front of him when he’d had one drink too many - “shouldn’t be allowed - that little boy might have lived if he hadn’t had a drink.”

“Well I blame the parents - what was he doing out there on his own anyway…”

“I know, but personally I blame the council. If they’d kept the hedges trimmed he might have seen the car coming. And have you seen the speed they drive along here at…. remember the one that was knocked off his bike… they should’ve installed speed bumps then…”

“I don’t know what the world’s coming to… what do they teach them in school these days -  bit more time on the highway code and less on the PlayStation might not go amiss….”

“And what about him down at the corner shop - I hear he’s had a heart attack….”

“Well, I must say I’m not surprised - he drinks like a fish and smokes like a trooper - what does he expect. And I saw that wife of his coming out of the doctors surgery the other day too… I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t treat them at all if that’s how they go on.”

In fact there’s no end to the ways in which we take pleasure in others misfortunes… the footballer who gets arrested for bad behaviour in a night club - “and how much does he get paid?”

And as for that singer - well, we all knew she was on drugs, didn’t we - what kind of example does that set. Call me old fashioned, but have you seen the way that other one dresses… well, if that’s not asking for it I don’t know what is!”

And it goes even further than that - there’s nothing quite like a good car crash for getting the rubber neckers going….

In fact I wonder if there isn’t a little bit in all of us that, having learned about so and so’s cancer, would actually prefer that they died of it, and preferably quickly (though not too quickly) and quietly, rather than having to listen to (and nod sagely at) months and months of tales of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, not to mention biopsies, endoscopies and multiple operations to “cut it out” - complete with gory stories of open wounds, dirty hospitals, bad food, absent ambulances etc etc.

And then, finally learning that the treatment has been declared successful, we surrender, overwhelmed not by the incredible skills of our doctors and their amazing technology, but by the dreadful realisation that, just to add insult to injury, they will now be with us for many years to come, regaling us till domesday with ever more embellished tales of horror and fascination.

Or then again, perhaps that’s just me….

I want to hide under a rock.

I am jealous of those who have the ability to stand out from the crowd. I do not like those who stand out from the crowd. I hate those who stand out from the crowd. I want to stand out from the crowd but am too scared to.

I don’t like those who succeed. I am jealous of those who succeed - not those who are lucky - good for them - I want to be lucky, I like lucky. I can justify lucky. I can’t justify success.

I work very hard at failing - harder than anyone else I know, and I’m very good at it. I am the best. I have all the potential - all the ability. I can do anything except succeed.

But hey, I am a success at failing. The only thing I am a success at is failing.

I am not a ne’er do well. I am not thick. I am not lazy. I am… shy. I am not illiterate. I am not uneducated. I am not unaware.

I am not a coward.

I am a frightened kid.

Nothing should come easy, I have to fight for it, and I do - that way it’s earned. People have to see me as a fighter, have to see me as a champion of the underdog, so I deserve what little reward I get. If I succeed in a small way I deserve it - it was hard fought for. If I fail, which I usually do in the bigger issues, I get commiseration, sympathy - ‘cos after all, I tried my best, didn’t I, I gave it my best shot…

The flip side of this is that I can be loud arrogant dismissive and ultimately - despairing.

I’ve tried to assuage success by striking a deal that if I am allowed success I will share it - but success is like this monster that just wants to “eat me up and spit me out”. It doesn’t care about me.

I will make friends with the monster.

This is my Strategy for Success.