On Caring…

It is important to distinguish between ‘caring about’ and ‘caring for’.

To say one cares about something is not only pointless, it’s usually misleading. One cannot care about something in greater measure than one cares for it,  i.e. if you don’t care for it, you don’t care about it.

The only ‘thing’ one can ‘care about’ is an abstract notion or potential, and if you don’t ‘care about’ that future version enough to ‘care for’ the present one then you really don’t much care at all!

This is perhaps best illustrated by childcare. We care for our children (well – mostly, though I do sometimes wonder) because we care about what will become of them.

When people say “I care about the environment”, I say “And how do you care for it”, when people say “I care about my mother/father/partner “, I say “Oh, and do you care for them?”.

Please don’t get me wrong – I’m not being supercilious or pedantic, and I’m certainly not being ‘holier than thou’  – I’m far too slack for that. I’m simply saying that to get a better handle on ‘how we’re doing’ and to avoid kidding ourselves differently, every time you’re tempted to say ‘care about’ see if you can honestly substitute ‘care for’.

 

Play…

… to your strengths, work on your weaknesses.

Aim not…

I am!

In training…

…it’s all too easy to use up so much energy that we fail to perform to our best at the main event!

God…

Greater than sum of the parts!

Imagine

To imagine something is not purely visual – it’s the total concept, the sense of it.

On Growth…

We grow from the inside out. Early trauma inhabits that place, and potentially affects all growth thereafter.

Look inside and the tale is there to be told, much as the rings in the tree reflect the harshness of its winters.

On fate…

Ensure that fate tosses you a ball in the air… not a coin!

On love…

person or personality?

A Matter of Life and Death

Whether we care to admit it or not, we all like a bit of death and destruction as long as it’s not too close to home – well, perhaps not exactly like – more appreciate. It can distract us from our own problems and can remind us of how lucky we are. It can enable us to “do a bit o’ good”, and give us cause to think we’re kind and charitable. It can allow us to express outrage and give vent to all our pent up anger. It can even give us a reason for living – whilst we can be of service…..

But there is also a darker side….

Sure we all love to see the villains get their come-uppance, and why not.  The paedeophiles and rapists. The muggers of old ladies. The con men. The driver who killed the child that stepped out in front of him when he’d had one drink too many – “shouldn’t be allowed – that little boy might have lived if he hadn’t had a drink.”

“Well I blame the parents – what was he doing out there on his own anyway…”

“I know, but personally I blame the council. If they’d kept the hedges trimmed he might have seen the car coming. And have you seen the speed they drive along here at…. remember the one that was knocked off his bike… they should’ve installed speed bumps then…”

“I don’t know what the world’s coming to… what do they teach them in school these days -  bit more time on the highway code and less on the PlayStation might not go amiss….”

“And what about him down at the corner shop – I hear he’s had a heart attack….”

“Well, I must say I’m not surprised – he drinks like a fish and smokes like a trooper – what does he expect. And I saw that wife of his coming out of the doctors surgery the other day too… I’m sorry, but I wouldn’t treat them at all if that’s how they go on.”

In fact there’s no end to the ways in which we take pleasure in others misfortunes… the footballer who gets arrested for bad behaviour in a night club – “and how much does he get paid?”

And as for that singer – well, we all knew she was on drugs, didn’t we – what kind of example does that set. Call me old fashioned, but have you seen the way that other one dresses… well, if that’s not asking for it I don’t know what is!”

And it goes even further than that – there’s nothing quite like a good car crash for getting the rubber neckers going….

In fact I wonder if there isn’t a little bit in all of us that, having learned about so and so’s cancer, would actually prefer that they died of it, and preferably quickly (though not too quickly) and quietly, rather than having to listen to (and nod sagely at) months and months of tales of chemotherapy and radiotherapy, not to mention biopsies, endoscopies and multiple operations to “cut it out” – complete with gory stories of open wounds, dirty hospitals, bad food, absent ambulances etc etc.

And then, finally learning that the treatment has been declared successful, we surrender, overwhelmed not by the incredible skills of our doctors and their amazing technology, but by the dreadful realisation that, just to add insult to injury, they will now be with us for many years to come, regaling us till domesday with ever more embellished tales of horror and fascination.

Or then again, perhaps that’s just me….